She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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