idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
