Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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