He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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