Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
NoShamevember. You game?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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