if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
