i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
