I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
