Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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