Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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