Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
