my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
