names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
