you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
