come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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