i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
