New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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