If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
