I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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