WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
