I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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