The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
