I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You're my little dorito
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You are the jesus of drinking
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
