I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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