Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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