yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
