Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
