PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
