I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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