I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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