Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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