She announced her abortion via fbk
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
