If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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