the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
