my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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