my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
