You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
