the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
