party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
