Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
