shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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