So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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