Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We need a shit load of segways right now
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
