She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Be still, my beating vagina.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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