I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
