You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
