Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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