Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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