ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I can feel your judgement through the phone
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
