omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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