I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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