i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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