Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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