Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
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He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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