i permit you to call me
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
