It was confusing and full of hummus
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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