the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
